action ☁ feb 26

[clearasil]

[ Natalie has always been a private person.  It might be obvious to those who are especially concerned about her that she hasn't been seen in a couple of days since the quest departure.

What a waste of her last drachma for the month, she thinks.

She doesn't want to bog anyone down with her troubles - there are things far bigger than her happening all around, and she is only one girl, one girl who likes to think she can handle it all, but in truth is unprepared for everything sent her way. The only person worse than Natalie at trying to fool the world is her own father, who she had spoken to via Iris Message just after Leo and the others left.

There are a few signs to her poor state, like two singed targets at the archery range and a trail of smoke that follows her when she finally emerges from her various treks around camp and away from everything else. She leans against a stone column outside of Hecate cabin and pulls her parka hood over her head, hugging herself around her empty stomach.

Your vision might go a little haywire if you approach her, with various dizzying effects. She's having a few control problems. ]





( ooc | preemptive warning for discussion of mental illness as portrayed in her canon. nat isn't entirely clear about the subject. )

Comments

[annieisntokay]

Hi. I'm, ah, I'm glad you came. [Annie waves to her, smiling when she takes a seat.] A lot of people don't really want to eat with me. Or talk with me.

[clearasil]

People can be shitty. I'm not the world's best company right now. Like, especially right now, but I'll eat with you, definitely. [ Even in her tired, confused state, she means that much.

And, man, food is good. She needs to remember to eat more. ]

[annieisntokay]

Really shitty... [She knew this from first-hand experience.]

What's wrong? I mean, if you don't mind telling me? I'm pretty good at listening... I won't tell anyone.

[clearasil]

[ Natalie looks over at Annie, popping the rest of the sandwich half into her mouth as she chews, considering. It isn't a matter of telling, but a matter of, well, letting someone else in. Only three people know of her family troubles in camp. ]

My mom's in the hospital, that's all.

[annieisntokay]

Oh. Oh. I'm so sorry, Natalie. that's... That's terrible! I hope she gets better. I don't know where you're from, but the doctors in Seattle are [Useless when it comes to mental health] really great. My mother used to work at Seattle General.

[Before she was murdered.]

[clearasil]

I don't even know where my mom is, probably in some special clinic, not even in a Seattle hospital, that's where I'm from too. Well, used to be before we moved to Issaquah.

Haven't helped her yet. Don't see why he has to force her into this treatment. [ She inhales sharply. ] We were having a good conversation and he just dropped the fucking bomb on me.

[annieisntokay]

What's... Can I ask you what's wrong with her? You seem you really need to talk to someone... [She frowns slightly, moving to pick up her sandwich, but she doesn't even touch it yet.]

I mean, you don't have to tell me. I just kinda, y'know, know the Seattle clinics... [She doesn't know it's a mental illness of any sort, not at all. But she does have experience with the hospitals, and she does want to help Natalie. Maybe it'll be the start of a new friendship. Maybe.]

[clearasil]

It's heavy. Not cancer or anything, but still ... heavy. [ Natalie shakes her head slowly, looking up with a forlorn, distant expression in her eyes. The help is appreciated, or at least the show of concern, but she isn't ready, not yet. ]

Finding out I was a demigod was the best thing to ever happen to me because it got me out of that house. No one noticed me.

[annieisntokay]

I'm... I'm really sorry to hear that, Natalie. [Annie looks down at her feet over the lake.] I hope she'll be okay. No, y'know what? I'm sure she'll be okay. And when she's better, she'll tell you how much she loves you. Because she has to.

[clearasil]

Does she? I'm not even her biological daughter. [ There's an edge to her voice but she pulls it back immediately, regretfully. It's an instinct after hearing those reassuring words from her own father, but Annie doesn't know that. ] She's not obligated to care about me and yet - [ Yet Natalie spent too much time shedding tears over the matter. What for? ]

Mom's busy chasing phantoms. She's no more of a caregiver than Hecate is to me.

[annieisntokay]

Don't say that! Biological doesn't mean anything. My dad- not Neptune, but- my dad, the man who raised me? He loved me just as much as my mom did. [And he died because of her.] Maybe they're not obligated, but they do. I don't understand how one person can look at another, particularly a child and not care for them. A child that belongs to someone they love.

[clearasil]

[ Natalie listens, uncertain. She envies people lucky enough to have some semblance of a family bond, but that's not her. (And she doesn't even know the half of it in Annie's case.) She shrugs helplessly. ] My parents have a history of issues, like, before I happened. It's not that they hate me, it's just that I'm always secondary to their problems. Even more so, like, being this far from home.

[annieisntokay]

I don't think they are.

Your family loves you. Even if you're far away. I'm sure they miss you every day. I- [She swallows hard.] Maybe you're not looking at it from their point of view.

[clearasil]

[ It's all well-intentioned, she knows, and Natalie's at least softened enough not to shrug off any good shown to her by other people. But it's a useless conversation and she's heard all of it already. ]

Oh, I know what's going on with them, I've known for a while, and whatever my dad does to hide everything isn't enough because it's obvious to me, and I just -- shit. Annie, you should not have to listen to me talk about this. I know you offered but.

[annieisntokay]

No! I mean- no. It's clear you need to talk to someone. I understand. I... I never really had anyone to talk to about this sort of thing. Back in New Rome... [Here, she had Percy and Finnick and Lydia.]

I'll listen. I can be quiet. I just... Family hits me hard... Because I don't have mine, anymore.

[clearasil]

Wh - [ She had perceived the kids of New Rome to be relatively close knit despite the structure of the place. If anything, she would think that someone upset would have a better support system. ]

I'm sorry. Gods, what a shitty world we live in, [ Natalie mumbles, scrubbing her face. She leans forward, letting her head and shoulders hang while she tries to gather herself. The hands drop again. ] Who decided to give teenagers this brand of responsibility? Like, how are we supposed to handle this without going totally crazy?

[ And, there's the fear. ]

[annieisntokay]

Please don't use that word, [Annie mumbles, looking down at her lap.]

I don't blame any of them. Not really. I don't have many friends, Natalie... People are... scared of me. Ashamed.

[clearasil]

I'm sorry. [ She repeats hastily. The thought, the association, hits her like a bolt of lightening and Natalie actually has to catch her breath because the urge to burst into tears is too overwhelming. But she won't. She can't. It won't be good for her and it certainly won't be good for Annie. ]

People - people suck. You're nice, really nice, and you're strong enough to've survived this long, this far.

[annieisntokay]

No, I'm not.

[Her words are bitter as she runs a hand over her hidden scars on her wrists.]

I'm only alive because of a fluke. If I hadn't gone to the pool...

[clearasil]

Yeah, but at least you're alive. Conscious. Able to feel things, I guess.

[ Numbing herself to all of this never works. ]

[annieisntokay]

But I wish I wasn't.

[clearasil]

Like you just want to disappear?

[annieisntokay]

No.

Like I wish I hadn't survived. Like I wish I was dead.

[clearasil]

I know - I mean, I've never felt but - it's all secondhand, for me. I think I understand, on a certain level, what that feels like.

Is there anything that keeps you alive?

[annieisntokay]

No. No you don't.

[Annie's words are harsh, and she wishes they weren't, but there's nothing she can do. It's the truth.]

I'm just waiting for the right time, again.