Petal 03 -- Open to Action

[shylyintrepid]

[When the feed starts, Jehan is clearly not in his cabin. He's down by the shore.

And he's been crying. His voice is hoarse and when he speaks, his accent is a bit thicker than usual]

If...if anyone else knew Zane, son of Venus, he...

[He wants to say "died". Died would be so much easier than the truth]

He was a...he was an agent of the Red Room. This entire time. He...he was here to spy on us.

[And he cuts the IM. As he does, you can see him break down yet again. It's going to be a long time before he recovers from this heartbreak]

Comments

[shylyintrepid]

[He nods. He hopes Zane knows that Jehan still cares for him, even after all of that]

I'm not trying to ignore them, I promise. I know he did terrible things and got people hurt. I just...I don't know, Alcuin. I'm so confused and overwhelmed.

[unstinting]

It's all right to be confused- there is no clear path here. I wish I could do something to help.

[Well. He could probably help Jehan feel better by adjusting his emotions, but that wouldn't be real help. He's definitely not going to do that, or even offer.]

Eventually, I think things will be clearer for you, and I hate that 'time' is the only thing I can recommend, but it really should help you to understand how you feel, if nothing else. Don't let yourself brood, though- it will do you little good.

[shylyintrepid]

[He nods. Alcuin has good advice--almost everyone has]

Time sucks. It takes too long to do anything.

[unstinting]

I know. I wish I had better answers. What good is a child of Aphrodite if they can't fix all your romantic problems?

[He sighs and rolls his eyes at himself.]

[shylyintrepid]

[He winces]

That's not what I meant. I'm sorry if I sounded as if I did.

[unstinting]

Oh... no, that was me, not you. I've just been feeling useless.

[He looks a bit guilty.]

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel worse.

[shylyintrepid]

No, I'm just...sensitive, that's all. You really didn't.

[He looks at Alcuin]

But why useless?

[unstinting]

I'm not much of a fighter. I feel like I did so little against the Red Room...

[He examines his nails, flushing.]

And I feel like I should have known about Zane.

[shylyintrepid]

No, Alcuin.

[He squeezes the other's hand]

I should have known about Zane because we were friends. You should have known about Zane because he was in your cabin. John should have known about Zane because he's Roman. We can't think like that--it hurts, and I know I, at least, can't help it sometimes, but it's wrong.

[unstinting]

[He takes a deep breath and nods slowly.]

You're right. Our enemies would love it if we doubted ourselves, wouldn't they? We would play into their hands. Zane deceived us on purpose. We can promise to be more careful, but it isn't our fault. We didn't expect treachery.

[shylyintrepid]

Right.

[He sighs]

...to be honest, I thought it was the Egyptians at first. We don't know anything about them, after all. Not really.

[unstinting]

I didn't want to suspect anyone.

[shylyintrepid]

I didn't either, but I didn't know what was going on at first and...well, it was all so strange that I thought maybe the magicians were up to something.

[unstinting]

I don't think anyone would blame you for being suspicious. You didn't have all the information.

[He squeezes Jehan's hand again.]

[shylyintrepid]

I wish I still didn't, to be honest.

[unstinting]

I wish none of this had happened, if we are being honest.

[shylyintrepid]

I wish it hadn't, either. I wish I knew what camp was like before the Titans woke up.